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| So, yesterday was unofficially proclaimed 'I hate the world and will take it out on Tiffany Heidtbrink day.' For those of you who missed it, I'm sorry maybe you can getting on the mailing list for next year.
Tiffany as a target #1--Spent at least 15 minutes being chewed out by a mother for discriminating against her children because the government paid for them to be in our program...I didn't tell her that 90% of our students receive government assistance.
...so i go home, eat an enchillada, look at some art, and sit in Barnes and Noble until it closes...
Tiffany as a target #2--1:30 AM; my roommate Renae is knocking on my door, "Uh...Tiffany, someone keeps banging on our door and now they're trying to open the door." (Crap, where's my phone...)
1:35AM; my two roommates and myself cower on Duncan's bed, me on the phone with a 911 dispatcher.
1:40 AM; Police officer has checked the premise and comes to talk to us. Apparently, I had parked in my neighbor's spot on the street. When he came home, intoxicated, he wasn't a big fan and tried to block me in. Unfortunately, his trailer hitch rammed into my car...so, still in a drunken stupor, he decided to come find me (by banging on our door).
1:45 AM; I talk to the neighbor, tell him I think my car is fine; to which he accuses, "Why'd you call the cops?" I pause to think, while the cop blurts out, "BECAUSE YOU'RE DRUNK AND TRYING TO BREAK INTO PEOPLE'S HOUSES....YOU CAN'T DO THAT!" (Fair enough, I'm sleepy).
3:00 AM; still haven't fallen back asleep, sense of hearing is heightened and I have to pee.
WHAT....THE....CRAP?!!!
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| One of the blessings of growing up in rural Nebraska, a farmer's
daughter is the deep resonance of Christ's metaphors of the
harvest. "The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few..." (Matthew 9:37).
The last couple of days I've been reminded how much my family's
livelihood depends on natural events, wind storms, freezing
temperatures...rain. Countless Octobers my dad would pace in our
dining room worrying that if the rain didn't stop he wouldn't get the
crops in before the winter killed them. However, I labor over the fact
that we pray and pray for rain during the summer, afraid the sun will
burn the fields dry.
II Peter 3:9
reads, "The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count
slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should
perish, but that all should reach repentance." I wonder
that I long for God's blessing but only when it seems convenient in my
mind. Or that I long for freedom for some of my closest friends
and family, yet I curse God that I must wait.
I'm approaching my 22nd harvest. Looking back, despite my dad's
anxiety, there has never been a year where the crops did not come
in. Looking forward, despite my worry...I know my heavenly Father
will finish the harvest before winter comes.
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| So I had a phenomenal conversation with God the other day when on a walk. The sun was setting when I turned to walk west. Perhaps one of the most magnificent sunsets I've ever seen. Here's our dialogue:
God, "This is the kind of beauty I want to give to you."
Me, "But it's followed by a period of darkness."
God, "Will you still love me?"
Me, "Of course."
God, "Will you still know I love you."
Me, "... ... ..."
God, "I will precede every dark period of your life with my glory and follow it with equal beauty. Cling to the memory of those things when you can't see the light. And wait with hope and expectation for those things to come again."
Me, "K." | | |
| Confession? Today I went grocery shopping. I was overly concerned about price-checking and the fact that I still have no job and my checking account is slowly dwindling. I headed down one isle and noticed a beautiful blonde, screaming girl being held by her mother who was asking one of the employees about a coupon. In the front of the young mother's cart were her two other children another larger, toddler version of the girl, and a dark haired little five year old boy. I smiled a little as I felt compassion for the mother, than I realized I knew the family. My neighbor, Robin, has three children Lauren, Courtney, and James (who just started school). Robin is playing single mother as her husband is in the South for military training. Confession...I avoided eye contact and hurried past and turned into a different isle. I heard Lauren screaming the entire time I was in the grocery store. I'm not sure why I avoided her. I am sure that I hate that I did it. Seriously, I get so wrapped up in my life, my needs, and my time. I claim that I desire to help the poor and the hurting, but I won't even stop in a grocery store to help my neighbor who is in need. Talk about humbling. This last year was terrible. I was the most selfish I've ever allowed myself to be and it was the most unfulfilling, dramatic year of my life. The thing I realized today is that loving yourself more than others is rather difficult when you have He who "so loved the world, that He gave His one and only son" living in your soul. Christ within me no longer wants to ignore my neighbor. And I am thankful for that revelation. | | |
| I went to the dentist today. Before my first dentist appointment my oldest sister told me all sorts of horror stories about the sharp blades they shove in your cheeks and the daggers they poke into your gums. So...the dentist was never that bad, until the last year. I started getting really wigged out about the whole situation. I had a cavity filled last May and I almost wet my pants in the waiting room. TODAY, I'm like all cool about the situation. Washed my car five minutes before the appointment just to prove how unphased I was about the whole situation. I'm sitting in the chair looking at the mickey mouse wallpaper of the kids' disney themed examination room (which they always put me in--curious); and the hygienist is all talking nice and I'm all making good conversation. Then she starts going to work on mis dientes, which I might add I've been taking VERY good care of since last year's pant-wetting fiasco. Holy cow! It was as if she were a three year old ripping apart a huge red and white package on Christmas morning. Seriously, I don't think I'm going to be able to have children after this appointment (I didn't think that was possible either). Anyways, my moment of glory. The dentist comes in and pokes around for a second, says that incisor 13 needs to be monitored, and I should floss more regularly, but other than that I had NO CAVITIES!!! Huzzah!......i celebrated with an extra shot of glucose in my sugar juice. | | |
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